There are some people who just need to be eaten by bears. This woman is one of them.
Let me take you through this woman’s activities at the Berlin Zoo that make me think that about her:
- Woman waits for polar bear feeding time.
- Woman looks at polar bears and thinks, “How dangerous are they? What would happen if I climbed into their pen?” But she probably thinks it in German.
- Woman makes decision to climb into the polar bear pen knowing deep down in her heart that nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan.
- Woman climbs over fence and into polar bear pen, still knowing deep down in her heart that nothing could possibly go wrong.
- Instead of keeping a safe distance, woman enters the bears’ swimmin’ hole and thinks (again in German), “Awww. They’re cute. And I was totally right. Absolutely nothing is going wrong with this plan. Me for the win!”
- Woman gets mauled by large polar bear; thinks to herself (most likely in German), “Holy crap! I didn’t think anything could possibly go wrong with my plan to climb into the polar bear habitat during feeding time! Oh god! It’s mauling me! I hope nobody plans on blogging about this because I don’t want to look stupid on the Internet!”
- Woman eventually gets rescued, though only after suffering severe injuries.
See? Had this woman been eaten by the polar bears, it would have been her own fault. And I think Charles Darwin would agree with me that the human gene pool would be stronger and smarter had the workers at the zoo simply allowed her to be eaten by bears.
